Gravity You Win Again Zapp Brannigan

For other uses of "Futurama", see Futurama (disambiguation).

Futurama Season 3

Amazon Women in the Mood [edit]

Zapp Brannigan: I'm calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy.

Leela: Forget it.

Zapp Brannigan: Then permit the negotiations begin! I propose we exit on 10 dates.

Leela: How about zero?

Zapp Brannigan: Nine.

Leela: Nix.

Zapp Brannigan: Seven.

Leela: Zero.

Zapp Brannigan: Viii.

Amy: Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who'southward ever liked me.

Zapp Brannigan: Five, and that's my final offer. 4!

Leela: One.

Zapp Brannigan: Ii.

Leela: One half.

Zapp Brannigan: I'll take information technology. Nosotros'll encounter y'all this evening for part of dinner and the first half of a movie.

Zapp Brannigan: Well, well, well. This looks to be i disturbingly erotic date.

Leela: Half-date.

Zapp Brannigan: Waiter, bring us a canteen of wine.

Leela: Half-bottle.

Zapp Brannigan: And some oysters on the half-shell.

Leela: Quarter-shell.

Zapp Brannigan: She's congenital similar a steak house, but she handles like a Bistro.

Automatic dialing voice: The number you take dialed has crashed into a planet. Delight make a annotation of information technology.

Fry: We have to go save them.

Bough: Nah, why bother?

Fry: Bender, remember of the señoritas!

[A chord of Latin music plays]

Bender: Vámonos!

[After the men have been sentenced to death by snu-snu.]

Fry: Goodbye, friends. I never thought I'd die similar this. Just I always really hoped.

Zapp Brannigan: Y'all win again, gravity!

Zapp Brannigan: Nosotros demand balance. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

Leela: Bender, peradventure you can interface with the Femputer and reprogram it to let them get?

Bough: Maybe you can interface with my ass...by biting it!

Leela: What planet is this, anyhow?

Zapp Brannigan: [shrugs] This whole sector is uncharted.

Kif: Information technology is not uncharted. You lost the nautical chart.

Parasites Lost [edit]

Sal: Stands back. I'grand gonna puts my moves on her. [He hoots at Leela by saying "Wooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaahs" and twisting/moving his hips to the left and right.]

Fry: That jerk. No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to accept information technology to the next level.

Leela: Fry, please. That's sweetness, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whupping.

Sal: Yo, sexy mama! Permit'due south go busy and freaky, in that order.

Fry: Hey, jumbo! How would you lot like it if Leela said yous were sexy and she wanted to make love with you?

Sal: Eh, I've gots 5 minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-finish chick.

Fry: You take that dorsum! She does not look skillful for a truck-stop chick.

[The truck end men laugh, Leela starts getting angry.]

Sal: Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.

Fry: She does also! She'due south loaded with meat! She's got more meat than a cow!

[The truck stop men laugh even harder.]

Professor Farnsworth: Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow yous to experience Fry's worm infested bowels as if yous were actually wriggling through them.

Dr. Zoidberg: At that place's no function of that sentence I didn't like!

Prof. Farnsworth: [whispers] Exist very quiet. We're in the ear.

Amy: [whispers] Okay, professor.

Prof. Farnsworth: WHAT?!

Fry: [to Leela] What about "what"?

Leela: Uh...What about we become for a walk because it's a lovely 24-hour interval, perhaps?

Fry: Oh, okay.

Prof. Farnsworth: If nosotros can stimulate that nerve, the bowel volition convulse, expelling the unabridged worm colony!

Hermes: Simply what about the worms in the other part of his body?

Prof. Farnsworth: Listen, this is gonna exist one Hell of a bowel motility. Afterward, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left.

Fry: Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time but every time I try I get nervous and my mouth feels like it'due south stuffed with peanut butter, even when it'due south non.

Leela: What is it? Is it well-nigh Bender?

Fry: No, it's near you and me.

Leela: And Bender?

Fry: Bender's non involved. Leela ... I beloved y'all.

Leela: Yous exercise?

Fry: Yes. Only it'south only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love y'all, Leela, and I always accept.

Leela: Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Await, "recently?" Like since you ate that toilet sandwich?

Fry: Yeah! I don't know why simply my life really turned around that twenty-four hours.

Farnsworth: Leela, yous're just in fourth dimension to help. If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them.

Hermes: I call it "Caribbean Bleed-o".

Fry: Apartment 1I. The old me would accept fabricated a joke about that!

A Tale of 2 Santas [edit]

Bough: Isn't it truthful that you have been paid for your testimony?

Pramala: Yes. You gave me a dollar and some processed.

Bender: And yet you lot haven't said what I told you to say! How can whatsoever of us trust you?

Fry: I'1000 Santa Claus!

Hermes: No, I'thou Santa Claus!

Amy: Nosotros're likewise Santa Claus!

Dr. Zoidberg: [with a heavenly aura around him] And I'm his friend, Jesus.

Mayor: You guys aren't Santa! You're not fifty-fifty robots. How dare y'all lie in front of Jesus!

Prof. Farnsworth: Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't impact united states of america as long as we're not stupid enough to get out this building.

Fry: Alright!

Leela: Yeah!

[Bender breathes a sigh of relief.]

Prof. Farnsworth: In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's messages directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.

Leela: Remember, Professor, Bough is Santa. And so we don't need to hurt him, right?

Prof. Farnsworth: Aye, yes, yes. You sound like a broken MP3!

[Bender lands in the fireplace and the Professor shoots him with a shotgun]

Leela: Professor, don't you recollect what I told you?!

Prof. Farnsworth: No!!

Santa: Bender can't exist Santa. He's non congenital to yuletide specifications.

Bough: Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, just that didn't stop me.

Linda: In what has go a holiday tradition, members of the Zarlon seven Polar Bear Club today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia.

Morbo: In that location were no survivors.

Linda: [Chuckles] Takes all kinds.

Neptunian elves: We are free and fairly sober

With then many toys to build

The machines are kind of tricky

Probably someone volition be killed

But nosotros gladly piece of work for nothing

Fry: Which is good because we don't intend to pay

Neptunian elves: The elves are back to work today

Hooray!

We have but a couple hours

To make several billion gifts

And the labor isn't easy

Leela: So you'll all work triple shifts

Y'all can make the job go quicker

If y'all turn upward the controls to super speed

Fry, Leela and Bender: It's back to piece of work on Xmas Eve

Neptunian elves: Hooray.

Leela: And though you're cold and sore and ugly

Your pride volition mask the pain

Fry: Let my happy grinning warm your hearts

Neptunian elf: At that place's a toy lodged in my encephalon

Neptunian elves: We are getting awfully tired

And nosotros can't work any faster

And we're very, very sorry

Bender: Why you selfish little bastards!

Do you want the kids to think

That Santa's just a crummy empty handed jerk?!

So shut your yaps and back to work!

Neptunian elves: Now information technology'southward very almost Xmas

And we've done the all-time we could

Fry: These toy soldiers are poorly painted

Leela: And they're made from inferior wood

Bough: I should give you all a beating

But I really accept to fly

Robot Santa: If I wasn't stuck here frozen

I'd harpoon you in the eye

Neptunian elves: Now it's dorsum into our tenements

To drown ourselves in rye

Leela: You did the best you could I guess

And some of these gorillas are okay

Neptunian elves: HOORAY!

Random elf: We're adequate!

All: The elves have rescued Xmas Twenty-four hour period

Hooray!

The Luck of the Fryrish [edit]

Immature Fry: Ah, the Breakfast Order soundtrack! I can't wait 'til I'yard old enough to experience ways about stuff!

Fry: Leela, Bender, nosotros're going grave robbing.

Bender: I'll get my kit!

Fry: Here lies Philip J. Fry, named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit.

Bender: Pay dirt! I've got the clover! Plus, his wedding ceremony ring. Sad, ladies, I'one thousand taken. Hey, Fry, you desire me to smack the corpse up a little?

Leela: Uhh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment solitary.

Bough: All correct, grab a shovel. I'thou but i skull brusque of a Mouseketeer reunion.

Md: It'southward a boy. And look at that red hair.

Yancy Fry, Sr.: [annoyed] You sayin' my boy is a Commie?

Yancy Fry, Jr.: [two or iii years old] I wanna exist name Philip. Me Philip. Me Philip.

Yancy Fry, Sr.: Son, your name is Yancy, just similar me, and my granddad, and so on, all the mode back to Minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution.

[At the horse races]

Hermes: Come up on, baby needs a new pair of shoes!

Dr. Zoidberg: The hell with your spoiled babe! I need those shoes.

[Leela and Hermes are at a concession stand at the rails]

Horse D'ourves Salesman: Get your piping hot horse burgers, horse fries, horse cakes and shakes. Nosotros got tongue, straight from the horse's mouth.

Hermes: It all sounds good.

Horse D'ourves Salesman: All our horses are 100% horse-fed for that double-horse "juiced-in" goodness.

Leela: I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with horse-beaters.

Equus caballus D'ourves Salesman: And you lot, sir? How tin I horse you?

Hermes: I'll have a horse Coke.

Equus caballus D'ourves Salesman: Horse Pepsi okay?

Hermes: Neeeiiiggghh.

Yancy Fry, Jr: [wearing a camouflage-colored tuxedo] Thank you for lending me your tux, Dad. It'll be perfect for my wedding.

Yancy Fry, Sr.: Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style.

Fry: Gosh, my quondam neighborhood. That's the bench where I found some shirts. That fire hydrant. In the summertime, we'd lite it on burn. On that corner, some guy with a bushy bristles handed out a socialist newsletter.

Bender: Was information technology poorly Xeroxed?

Fry: You better believe it.

Leela: The old comedians were correct. This identify is a lot different from 50.A.

The Birdbot of Water ice-Catraz [edit]

Gratuitous Waterfall Sr.: If you're cold, rub your bodies with permafrost. Information technology's nature's long johns. If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey I don't wanna be right.

Prof. Farnsworth: Good news, anybody! I'm sending you on a highly controversial mission.

Fry: Controversial?

Prof. Farnsworth: Oh, my, no.

Prof. Farnsworth: For this highly controversial mission you'll exist towing the Juan Valdez, an orbiting supertanker total of rich Columbian night matter.

Leela: Nighttime matter oil? What if nosotros striking something? The tanker could leak.

Prof. Farnsworth: Incommunicable! The tanker has 6,000 hulls. Then, different me, it'south entirely leak-proof.

Hyperchicken: Son, equally your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket o' trouble. Only I done struck y'all a bargain: Five hours of community service cleanin' up that ol' mess you caused.

Bender: Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn't yous have just got me the decease penalty?

Hyperchicken: Well I'da done better, but it's plum hard pleading a example while awaiting trial for that at that place incompetence.

Bender: Oh aye, good luck with that.

[Bender leaves the room, revealing that the Hyperchicken is the one in jail.]

Bender: Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant helm?

Fry: Fine, I've got a toast. To Captain Bough, he's the best... at being a big wiggle who'due south stupid and his large ugly face up is every bit dumb equally a barrel!

Bough: Eh, I've heard ameliorate.

Fry: What happened?

Dr. Zoidberg: All 6,000 hulls have been breached.

Fry: Oh, the fools! Why didn't they build it with half-dozen,001 hulls?! When volition they learn?

Prof. Farnsworth: Being a captain is well-nigh intuition and heart. A skillful captain tin can't accept either ane. That's why cold, logical Bender is the perfect candidate for the task.

Bender: Well, I do recollect of human life as expendable.

Leela: Why practice nosotros have to resort to non-violence? Tin't we just kick their asses?

Free Waterfall Sr.: At present, little lady, those people's asses are living things likewise.

Fry: No fair! Leela was training me to be captain. She fifty-fifty let me sit in her lap and steer... in this comic I drew.

Dr. Zoidberg: [Grabs comic] Ooh, the new one's out!

Bendless Dearest [edit]

Leela: My God! Even the professor is bent!

Prof. Farnsworth: [Bent facing the floor] Thank y'all for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum.

Bender: Hooray! I graduated. Fourth dimension to bend around Europe for a few months, then go a job bending.

Fry: Professor, I've never seen you and then cheerful. What the hell's wrong with yous?

Prof. Farnsworth: Hmm, I'g not quite sure. Perhaps seeing things from a new perspective has reminded me of life'south beauty. Or perhaps my new posture is causing claret to pool in the back of my brain, resulting in a slight delirium. Incidentally, you lot accept a dime up your nose.

Fry: I wish! It'southward a nickel.

Robots: [on a picket line] No more bending, no more than piece of work! Give us a raise y'all big fat jerk!

Sal: Nevers!

Bender: Sorry I got yous sent to that S American Turkish prison house instead of me on account of mistaken identity.

Flexo: You lot bastard! They treated me like an animal, and that'south what I became! [laughs] Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy.

Bough: That'south right, baby, I ain't your loverboy Flexo: the guy you honey and then much yous fifty-fifty dear anyone pretending to be him!

Angleyne: Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you're pretending to exist.

Bender: Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that!

The Day the Earth Stood Stupid [edit]

Pet Testify Judge: And the thousand prize winner...[monotonous] The Hypnotoad.

[The Hypnotoad turns its powers on the crowd, making them all clap at one time]

Pet Show Judge: All glory to the Hypnotoad.

Fry: Don't mind to them, Leela. People said I was dumb, just I proved them!

Linda: Today, some bad things happened. I bad thing was, a railroad train got crashed in New Jersey. Wanna see? People won't exist tardily for work though. The governor lady said, "I'm sending more trains!"

Ken: They travel from globe to world making anybody stupid in order to wipe out all thought in the universe.

Leela: Wipe out all thought? My God, they're like flying televisions.

Leela: Am I going crazy? Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?

Nibbler: And then, life returned to normal, or at to the lowest degree as normal as it gets in this primitive dirtball inhabited by psychotic apes. Thank you to the furnishings of the encephalon waves, the people of World have non retentivity of what had transpired, except Fry, and no one believed him or cared what he had to say. I, meanwhile, returned to my post, ever vigilant, lest Earth once more come under brain attack. And when that twenty-four hour period comes, God aid us. God help the states all.

Leela: Time for a diapie change.

Nibbler: End transmission.

Professor Farnsworth: Skilful news, everyone! We were supposed to brand a delivery to the planet, Tweenis 12, but it mysteriously exploded.

Leela: Why is that good news?

Professor Farnsworth: They paid in advance.

Morbo: Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that's shaped like a man wearing a hat.

Linda: It's a T. It goes "tuh".

Morbo: Hello, picayune man. I will destroy yous!

Fry: Wait a minute! I know what'due south going on here... y'all've all become IDIOTS!

Bender: Hey, let's all bring together the Reform Party!

Leela: [handing Fry a note] This. Y'all for this.

Fry: Thanks.

[Fry blows his nose with the note, then tosses it into the fire]

Leela: Noooooooo! [reaches into the fire] OWWWWW! Fire hot!

Professor Farnsworth: [comes over] The Professy volition assist! [reaches into the fire] AHHH! Fire INDEED hot!

Leela: Brain! Brain brand people impaired!

Fry: No, Leela. Brain make people SMART.

Fry: [to the Big Brain] I'grand hither to kicking your ass!

Big Brain: Wishful thinking! We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses!

Fry: Now he's trapped in a volume I wrote: a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.

Large Brain: The Big Encephalon am winning again! I am the greetest! Muahahahaha! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Fiona: Nibblonians to nibble stations! Ready cuddlebug for deployment in 40 niblets.

Ken: Sometimes I fear we are cute.

Fiona: [dismissive] D'oh, niggle-snush.

That's Lobstertainment [edit]

Bough: Calculon is gonna kill united states and information technology'south all everybody else's error!

Calculon: Nay, I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to expiry with his own Oscar.

Leela: It's some kind of hollow tube, devoid of man life. [gasps] The Los-Angeles Subway.

Calculon: [upset] Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle.

Bender: Now you lot know why I used the qualifier "practically".

Billy Crystal'south Caput: And the nominees for Best Soft Drink Product Placement are...

Slurm Vending Automobile: "Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation", "They Call Me Mr. Pibb", and "Snow White and the Seven-ups."

Waiter: What can I get you gentlemen?

Dr. Zoidberg: Is bread gratis?

Waiter: Yep.

Dr. Zoidberg: We'll split up an order.

Harold Zoid: People, People please, just because its a dramatic scene doesn't hateful you lot tin't do a fiddling one-act in the background.

Bender: That plot makes perfect sense. Wink, wink.

Dr. Zoidberg: Bender, y'all said "wink, wink" out loud.

Bender: No I didn't. Raise eye finger.

Harold Zoid: So, you want to be a comedian, is it?

Dr. Zoidberg: Information technology'south my life long dream.

Harold Zoid: Well, that dream dies now! You're unfunny and untalented. That's why you're perfect for drama.

The Cyber House Rules [edit]

Amy: What are their names?

Bender: Kids have names?

Orphan: My name is Nina, this is Albert--

Bender: And from at present on you're all named Bender Jr.

Morbo: And then I gave the cookies y'all fabricated to Fawn and the kids and they couldn't believe it -- they were succulent. Only, I digress. Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race volition destroy you all!

Zoidberg: Exist careful with that Adlai, Leela, he's a doctor, they're very poor.

Leela: Actually, most doctors are rich.

Zoidberg: What? When did this happen? Y'all're joking, right? That'southward not funny!

Adlai: I've never been skilful with words, which is why I'm in such a delicate conundrum. Will you go out with me this Lord's day?

Leela: Sure!

[Fry gasps.]

Adlai: I don't know what else to say, and so I'll only say it. Okey-dokey, see you and then.

Fry: What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of u.s. aren't normal and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg: He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage and does.

Zoidberg: Damn right!

Fry: The Professor's a senile, amoral crackpot.

[Farnsworth blubbers and waves.]

Fry: Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.

Hermes: Tally me banana.

Fry: Amy's a klutz from Mars.

[Amy drops the drinking glass she is drinking from and it smashes.]

Amy: Sploops!

Farnsworth: And, Fry, you've got that brain thing.

Fry: I already did! So, Leela, practice you wanna be like us? Or do you lot wanna exist like Adlai with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever?

Leela: That'southward the dumbest question I ever heard!

Sally: Daddy Bender, we're hungry.

Bough: What's with y'all kids? Every other day information technology's food, food, nutrient. [pause] Alright, I'll become you some stupid nutrient.

Albert: Can we have Bough Burgers once again?

Bender: No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Smitty: Y'all're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of nutrient, selling children as food, and misrepresenting the weight of livestock!

Bender (as he'southward being cuffed): If you had kids of your ain, you lot'd empathize!

Fry: [subsequently Leela says that she was fine the way she was before] Yaaaaaaaaaay!

Leela: Shut up, Fry.

Where the Buggalo Roam [edit]

Singing Wind: I am Singing Wind, Principal of the Native Martians.

Zapp Brannigan: Take me to your leader!

Singing Wind: Moving along...

Zapp Brannigan: [introducing himself] I am the human with no name. Zapp Brannigan at your service.

Singing Wind: You must smoke peace pipe, and you must practise information technology peacefully. Or we'll kill you.

Kif: Well, it's just really that I don't experience that--

Zapp Brannigan: Don't be such a craven, Kif. Teenagers all smoke and they seem pretty on-the-brawl.

[Amy's Buggalo, Betsy, has been post-obit Kif and the crew]

Zapp Brannigan: I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend Lieutenant. [Snickers]

Kif: [sighs] She won't leave me lone.

Zapp Brannigan: Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife!

[A tumble weed rolls past.]

Leela: Wow, look at that: Olympus Mons, the tallest volcano in the solar system.

Fry: Where?

Leela: Correct in front of you.

Fry: Oh. Oh!

Leo Wong: Anyway, make yourselves at dwelling.

[Dr. Zoidberg comes downstairs wearing a bathrobe]

Dr. Zoidberg: Don't mind if I already did. By the way, do you lot have any more of this Dom Pérignon bubble bath? In that location was just enough to fill the tub halfway.

Prof. Farnsworth: That sounds very dangerous. Someone could get killed. [pointing] Fry, Leela, Bender...

Bender: [shaking fist] Damn yous, old human!

Zapp Brannigan: At present retrieve Kif, the quickest style to a girl'south bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.

Kif: Well, sir, I'm a little nervous nigh meeting her parents.

Zapp Brannigan: Of course y'all are. You're meek and uninteresting.

Kif: I dear information technology out here, Amy. I experience so manly. I have a blister, I-I spit! A-And of course, I tell no one my feelings.

Amy: Merely you still accept them, right?

Kif: Oh, yes. But I keep them inside until I tin write them in my diary.

Amy: Ah, information technology'due south a wonderful night.

Kif: It sure is. I could just prevarication hither abreast you staring at the heaven all night.

Amy: I can't! [She kisses him and the basis shakes] What'due south that?

Kif: Maybe we just made dear!

Amy: Thanks for saving my life, Kif. You're my hero.

Kif: Oh, you're kind. But your parents still don't like me.

Amy: Well globviously! Simply if they liked you lot then I wouldn't. Don't you know anything almost girls?

[They buss. The Buggalo run by and the ground shakes. Amy gets up and goes back inside. Kif gets out his diary.]

Kif: Dear diary, I just made love for the 2d time!

Insane in the Mainframe [edit]

Fry: Let me guess. He thinks he's Abraham Lincoln.

Unit of measurement 2013: Well, he's supposed to, but he has multiple personalities. All of them Lincoln.

Abraham Lincoln Robot: I was born in 200 log cabins.

Leela: OK, this has gotta terminate. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the manner but a woman can.

Farnsworth: You lot're going to do his laundry?

[Amy smacks him upside the head]

Leela: Fry, stay back, he's also powerful!

Fry: Negative, snobby meat creature.

Hermes: Don't be a hero, Fry! It'southward not covered in the health plan!

Roberto: Back off! I've got hostages!

Zoidberg: Hooray! I'thousand helping!

Smitty: Practice you have any better hostages?

Fry: Fear non. I shall assist ye.

Hermes: Robots don't say "ye"!

Fry: Relax, mammal. My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the significant of this symbol?

Hermes: That'south a plus sign, ya pointy-haired loony! Quit thinking you're a robot!

Fry: I'll show ye...

Fry: I'thousand not a robot like you lot, I don't like having discs crammed into me... unless they're Oreos... and and then but in the mouth.

Roberto: Hey, Red. You're just in fourth dimension for the hostage situation. Which side do y'all desire to exist on?

Fry: The side that kicks your twisted, metal ass.

Judge Whitey: Counselor, what show exercise y'all offer to support this new plea of insanity?

Hyper-Chicken: For starters, they done hired me to stand for them.

Gauge Whitey: Insanity plea is accepted!

Unit of measurement 2013: This is Frankie. He thinks he's a lunch room bellboy, so we put him to work in the tiffin room. [Loudly] How are things in the dejeuner room, Frankie?

Frankie: South'okay.

Unit 2013: Poor Frankie...

Leela: We're all trying to help yous. We've petitioned the governor, but he doesn't want to announced soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned.

The Route of All Evil [edit]

Bender: Those pork dumplings sent united states on a imitation pizza delivery!

Fry: The address was to "Dogdoo 8", but the universe ends right after Dogdoo vii.

Hermes: [to Dwight] Child mon, is this truthful?

Dwight: Yeah, just why are you mad at united states of america? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission.

Cubert: [points at Bender] Plus, they're making bootleg beer within company property!

Bough: [nervously] Lies! Lies and slander! [belches cream]

Farnsworth: Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed?! That's the last straw! Y'all boys take been underfoot long enough!

Hermes: You jerked the words right outta my mouth! We're their fathers, and it's high times nosotros acted like information technology!

Bender: [eagerly] Ooh-hoo! Here comes violence!

Hermes: [clears his pharynx] Get a chore, you lazy kids!

[Dwight and Cubert gasp]

Bough: [groans, then gets out a baseball game bat] I guess if yous want children browbeaten, you have to exercise information technology yourself.

Dwight: Tin can I use the gun?

Hermes: What kind of a begetter would I be if I said no?

Bender: We're making beer. I'thousand the brewery.

Dwight: I heard booze makes you stupid.

Fry: No I'm ... doesn't.

Leela: Actually, Dwight, y'all're right. Alcohol is very, very bad ... for children. But once you plough 21 it becomes very, very good.

Dwight: What's this device's marketability? Who'southward the target consumer?

Farnsworth: There is no target consumer! Just targets. Targets that will tremble in fear as their new primary hands down edicts in my glorious, booming vocalisation!

Farnsworth: This is my latest invention; a device that lets anyone sound exactly like me!

Cubert: [Speaks into motorcar] Good news, everyone! I'g a horse's butt!

Farnsworth: I am? That'south not good news at all, you petty--!

Leela: If y'all were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to ... from your father ... when he got abode from the Senate.

Dwight: You don't wanna miss the unveiling of our new visitor, practise yous?

Hermes: Company? [He laughs.] How beautiful! What will y'all be pedalling? Lemonade? Shoe shines? Cootie insurance?

Farnsworth: Maybe they've synthetic a teddy acquit hospital!

[They laugh]

Cubert: Really, we're starting a competing delivery company.

[He pulls the sheet off to reveal a crimson "Crawly Express" logo. Hermes and Farnsworth wait at each other and stand up]

Hermes: Welcome to the globe of business.

[He and Farnsworth kicking the logo and boom it downward]

Sal: Gets movings. These papers ain't gonna deliver themselveses. Just the Dominicus edition can dos that.

Cubert: How cartel they call us kids? We're old enough to find the Fox network infantile.

Hermes: People, equally yous know, our immature sons have become great successes in the very same field every bit us.

Bough: All right!

Fry: That's great!

Leela: That's good.

Hermes: Naturally, we're humiliated.

Farnsworth: That's why we need you, our loyal coiffure, to brand Planet Limited eight-hundred-per centum more profitable.

Hermes: We'll kickoff by slashing salaries. And this time, I mean REALLY slashing.

Leela: Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this... so I'll just let Fry blurt information technology out thoughtlessly.

Fry: [cheerfully] We don't work for you anymore!

[Hermes gasps]

Farnsworth: What?!

[Dwight and Cubert have taken over Planet Express]

Hermes: YOU ROTTEN KIDS! Uh, will you be hiring?

Dwight: No.

Hermes: Y'all ROTTEN KIDS!

Bender: Ah, beer. So many choices, and it makes so little difference.

Fry: How 'bout Löwbrau? Information technology has dots.

Bender: Overruled! The pick of champions is Pabst Blueish Robot.

Fry: I tin't potable that. The metal shavings brand my pharynx bloody.

Bender: Wah, wah! Babe wants a Zima!

Leela: Hey, hey! Nosotros can all fight when we're drunk.

Bendin' in the Wind [edit]

[Sal digs up a VW bus in front of Fry and Bender]

Bough: What'due south that? One of those Led Zeppelins I've heard so much about?

Fry: No, it'south an sometime Volkswagen van. [to Sal, shouting] Hey, Mister? Mind if I have this old van?

Sal: Sure. You lot wanna dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses.

Fry: Yeah, yeah, I've gotten used cars before.

[Cut to Fry pushing the VW coach into Planet Limited]

Leela: What's that? I of those Jefferson Starships I've heard so much about?

Fry: It'southward called a van, and in calorie-free of the fact that it'south not a-rockin', I invite you lot to come a-knockin'!

Prof. Farnsworth: Where'due south the device that lets yous speed or ho-hum the passage of time?

Fry: Under the seat. [Holds upward a bong]

Fry: She just needs some gas.

Prof. Farnsworth: Wrong once more, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum preserves went dry in 2038.

Leela: Gas was an environmental disaster, anyhow. Now nosotros utilize culling fuels.

Fry: Like what?

Leela: Whale oil.

Dr. Zoidberg: It'southward toe-tappingly tragic!

Bender: Hey, the blues. The tragic sound of other people's suffering. That's kind of a choice-me-up.

Bender: Hey, yeah, I could write a song! With real words, not phoney ones like "odelay".

Beck: "Odelay" is a word. Just look it upward in the Becktionary.

Bough: No, don't you see? I was a hero to broken robots 'cause I was one of them. Simply how can I sing about existence damaged if I'm non? That's like Christina Aguilera singing in Spanish. Expect, that's information technology! I'll fake it!

Hippie: Wow, look at the colours. These'll go great with my soul.

Zoidberg: Glad you like them. I've been making fine jewellery for years, plainly.

Brook: You, minion. Lift my arm. [a stagehand lifts his arm] Subsequently HIM!

[As the gang are trying to escape via the Gold Gate Bridge]

Bough: Oh no! I forgot this is a hover-bridge!

Leela: And I forgot this isn't a hover-car!

Fry: Is whatsoever of that a trouble?

Zoidberg: Not if y'all've lived a life without regret! [screams in terror]

Bender: Fry cracked corn, and I don't care! Leela croaky corn, even so don't care! Bender cracked corn and he is great! Take that yous stupid corn!

Time Keeps on Slippin' [edit]

Leela: I don't know what you did, Fry, just over again, you screwed up! Now all the planets are gonna start cracking wise about our mamas.

Hermes: I'm just glad my fatty, ugly mama isn't alive to see this mean solar day.

Prof. Farnsworth: Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems.

Prof. Farnsworth: Doomsday device? Ah, at present the ball's in Farnsworth's courtroom!

[Farnsworth presses a push button, revealing an arsenal of doomsday weapons.]

Prof. Farnsworth: I suppose I could office with one and notwithstanding be feared…

Prof. Farnsworth: What do you know of this?

Ethan 'Bubblegum' Tate: Not much however, but I am a senior lecturer of physics at Globetrotter U, and I'd similar to help you investigate.

Prof. Farnsworth: Yous're that Bubblegum Tate?

Ethan 'Bubblegum' Tate: Well, I sure ain't his grandma.

Fry: And so, Leela, how most a romantic ride in i of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them.

Leela: Those aren't swan boats, they're swans.

Fry: Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

Zoidberg: Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. Yous lost the adult female of your dreams but you however have Zoidberg. You all yet have Zoidberg!

Richard Nixon's Caput: Now, how long will it accept to build?

Ethan 'Bubblegum' Tate: It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this circuitous might take months or even-

[Time skips.]

Prof. Farnsworth: Ah, at that place we are. One gravity pump. Powerful enough to move the stars themselves. Now to begin the backbreaking task of attaching it to the ship so th-

[Time skips. The Planet Express ship is taking off with the gravity pump attached.]

Prof. Farnsworth: Off y'all go, apparently.

Fry: Put me on, Professor. I wanna show Leela my skills.

Prof. Farnsworth: Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills?

Prof. Farnsworth: At this charge per unit, by Tuesday it will exist Thursday, by Wednesday it will be August, and past Thursday information technology will be the end of being as we know it!

Leela: Fry, please try to understand: you're a man, I'm a adult female. We're just too different.

Leela: All right, cool your jets, hot shot.

Fry: Come up on, Leela. Why won't you lot get out with me? We both know at that place's something there.

Leela: No, I mean cool your jets. You're melting Bender's face up.

Linda: Fourth dimension continues to skip forward randomly. Details at elev...

[fourth dimension skips]

Linda: This is the News at Eleven. The mysterious and unexplained...

[time skips]

Linda: Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might merely be the latest...

[fourth dimension skips]

Linda: ...won three Grammys last dark...

[time skips]

Linda: ...plant dead in her bathtub.

Prof. Farnsworth: The time skips are worse than ever now. Isolated spots are jumping past years at a time. Expect.

Male child: Stupid senior citizens. Why should nosotros have to pay for their Social Security benefits?

[Time skip; the boy becomes a senior citizen]

Senior Citizen: I deserve free coin!

[Fry walks to the window and presses his face against the glass. Equally the transport gets further away from the nebula Fry sees the stars around information technology form an "O" in a huge bulletin that reads "I Love Y'all, Leela".]

Fry: That'due south how I must accept done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a beloved note in the sky.

Leela: [on intercom] Detonation in three, two, one.

Fry: No!

[The doomsday device implodes and the nebula, the stars and Fry's message disappear. Fry stares at the empty void. Enter Leela and Bender]

Fry: Did y'all meet it? Did yous meet information technology?

Bender: The explosion?

Fry: No, not the explosion!

Leela: And then what?

Fry: [quietly] Cypher.

I Dated a Robot [edit]

Narrator: You are entering the realm which is unusual. Mayhap information technology'south magic or contains some kind of monster. The second i. Gear up to enter... The Scary Door. Please ship a man round back and pick upwardly Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's nearly to accept an unfortunate accident.

[Smith is run over by a car, so awakes in a casino. He plays the slot machine and wins]

Clyde Smith: Ha-ha-ha! A casino where I'm winning? That car must've killed me. I must be in heaven! [wins again] A casino where I always win. That's boring. I must really exist... in Hell!

Sebastian Cabot: No, Mr. Smith. You lot are not in heaven or hell. Yous are on an plane! [unrolls the curtains, revealing the airplane windows. A animate being sits on the wing of the aeroplane, ripping wires out of it]

Clyde: There's a gremlin destroying the plane. You lot gotta believe me!

Cabot: Why should I believe you, yous're Hitler! [pulls out a mirror. Clyde's reflection is indeed Hitler]

Clyde: No! [turns to a adult female sitting next to him] Eva Braun! Help me!

[The adult female pulls off a mask, revealing the head of a fly. Clyde screams]

Bough: Eh, saw it coming.

Fry: How can you guys be so blasé? Here we are in the year three-hundred-or-then, notwithstanding you lot're simply sitting around similar it'southward the boring fourth dimension I came from.

Prof. Farnsworth: Irksome? Wasn't that the menses when they croaky the human being genome, and boy bands roamed the earth?

Leela: Hey, you lot know what might be a hoot?

Prof. Farnsworth: No! Why would I know that?

Leela: Let's take the rest of the morn off and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to exercise.

Fry: Everything?

Leela: Except that.

[At the border of the universe, Fry sees alternative versions of himself and his friends on the other side, dressed equally cowboys]

Fry: Far out! And so at that place really is an infinite number of universes?

Prof. Farnsworth: No, simply the two.

Auctioneer: Are in that location no farther bids for this exquisite milky way? Sold! To the being of inconceivable horror!

Being of Inconceivable Horror: Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! [pause] Will a coin order be okay?

Auctioneer: Yes.

Existence of Inconceivable Horror: MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Fry: Oh, Lucy! You're but like I always thought you'd be from your movies.

Liubot: My personality is mathematically derived from my movies, proportionally weighted past box office receipts.

Fry: Aaawww... you lot say the CUTEST things!

Professor Farnsworth: Oh honey! She'due south stuck in an space loop, and he's an idiot! Well, that's honey for you.

Bender: Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm notwithstanding single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans!

Leela: Bender, this is Fry's decision... and he fabricated it incorrect. So information technology's time for us to interfere in his life.

Bender: What is the world coming to? That Fry is a sicko poivert, I tell ya! Dating a robot... information technology's an attrocimacy!

Leela: But Fry is our friend, Bough.

Bender: Ah, geez! Would yous stifle at that place, meatbag?

Leela: You lot stifle, Bender!

Dr. Zoidberg: Hooray! Finally, you lot're standing up to him.

Dr. Zoidberg: [revealing a huge bag of popcorn backside a door] At least we've got food.

Leela: Dr. Zoidberg, cutting open that bag!

Dr. Zoidberg: Hooray!

Leela: And don't swallow it!

Dr. Zoidberg: Awww...

Zapp Brannigan: Now that's a moving ridge of devastation that's easy on the eyes!

Liubot: Oh, Fry, I love y'all more than than the moon, the stars, the--POETIC Epitome #36 NOT Constitute.

A Leela of Her Own [edit]

Bender: Hey, y'all add a one and 2 zeros to that or we walk!

Leela: How much did y'all make me?

Bough: One hundred dollars.

[Leela is signing autographs.]

Leela: Who am I making this out to?

Girl: Ummm…to eBay?

Leela: That's a pop proper name today. Fiddling "due east", large "B"?

Leela: Oh, put downwards the binoculars, Fry. The wall of that strip club isn't going to collapse twice in ane day.

Fry: I know, and I've grown to accept that.

Leela: I recall the owner is from Cygnus v.

Prof. Farnsworth: Cygnoids, in our cake? Fie and foo! They should get back to where they came from!

Leela: Professor, please. Order is never gonna brand whatsoever progress until we all learn to pretend to similar each other. Now, allow's go over at that place and brand these hideous strangers feel welcome.

Prof. Farnsworth: No.

[Leela makes a retching noise later on sampling an alien's pizza]

Leela: I don't mean to offend, but this tastes similar vomit.

Cygnoid Adult female: Give thanks you.

Leela: No, actually, I did hateful to offend a piffling. This is awful.

Prof. Farnsworth: Why is your number 7/8?

Leela: All the whole numbers have been retired.

Fry: Wait, the players who broke the various color barriers.

Bender: When volition homo learn that all races are equally inferior to robots?

A Pharaoh to Remember [edit]

Fry: Dearly Beloved, nosotros are here today to remember Bough, taken from us in the prime of life; when he was crushed by a runaway semi, driven by the Incredible Hulk.

Bough: Aww, you knew my favorite cause of decease.

Prof. Farnsworth: Your bones bending unit is made of an iron-osmium alloy, but Bender was different. Bender had an 0.04% nickel impurity.

Bender: It's what made me me.

Leela: Bender, nosotros're trying our all-time.

Bough: Your best is an idiot!

Bender: Danny Boy?! Y'all're at my funeral, singing about some stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead!

Zoidberg: I'm expressing my sorrow!

Bough: Go lost! I'd say don't quit your 24-hour interval job, but you're awful at that too!

Bender: You've convinced me life is worth living... by showing me how bad my funeral will suck!

[Bender storms out and the boutonniere lands in Farnsworth's lap]

Amy: I know whose funeral we'll be attending next!

Prof. Farnsworth: Oh, stop.

High Priest: People of Osiris 4, please welcome a human being who started equally a slave but worked his way up to Lord of All Creation! Our new Pharaoh, Bender!

Bender: Citizens of Me! The cruelty of the old Pharaoh is a thing of the past. Allow a whole new moving ridge of cruelty wash over this lazy state.

Leela: Impressive. Who's building it?

Osiran: You.

Leela: Say again?

Osiran: Y'all are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hermenthotip. Guards!

[The guards take hold of the crew]

Fry: Call it a hunch only I've got a bad feeling about this.

Fry: You know what else sucks about beingness a slave? The hours.

Loftier Priest: Great Wall of Prophecy, reveal to u.s.a. God'south will that we may blindly obey.

Priests: [chanting] Free the states from thought and responsibility.

High Priest: We shall read things off you.

Priests: [chanting] Then do them.

High Priest: Your words guide u.s..

Priests: [chanting] We're dumb.

Fry: You know what the worst matter nigh being a slave is? They brand y'all work all 24-hour interval but they don't pay y'all or let you go.

Leela: That's the simply affair about being a slave.

Osiran Slavemaster: Nosotros learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel, and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

Fry: Too, Wolfman.

Anthology of Involvement 2 [edit]

Bender: Being a robot'south great, but we don't have emotions and sometimes that makes me very sad. [sniffs]

Bender: Hey, my antenna'south gone! [looks down] Nah, it but moved. I'grand not getting practiced reception on it, though. Maybe if I wiggle it around a little...

Fry: Bender, no! You'll make God cry!

Bender: Whoa, you look better than yous used to for some reason.

Amy: Y'all're not so bad yourself, large male child. [kisses Bough]

Bender: Hey that felt great! [kisses the Professor] Nah, it'southward not working anymore.

Farnsworth: Speak for yourself.

Wernstrom: When did he dice?

Farnsworth: About twelve hours agone, when the political party started.

Wernstrom: Simply he simply said "Woo!"

Farnsworth: No, that was merely air escaping from the folds of his fat. [pushes confronting Bender's fat]

Bender: Woo!

Richard Nixon's Head: Skillful evening, ignorant pigs. Put downwardly your crack pipes and your beer bongs and pay attention as I sign an historic peace accord with Ambassador Kong of Nintendu 64.

Fry: Hey, I know that monkey, his proper noun is Donkey.

Farnsworth: Monkeys aren't donkeys. Quit messing with my caput!

Mario: Mamma Mia! The cruel meatball of state of war has rolled onto our laps and ruined our white pants of peace!

General Colin Pac-Homo: Quick to the escape tunnels!

[Fry and his friends follow Pac-Human being into the Pac-Man maze "wakka wakkaing"]

Pac-Man: This way, dammit!

[Zoidberg eats Pac-Dots]

Zoidberg: Mmm, delicious! Merely like stale marshmallows! [A cherry appears in front end of him.] Ooh, and a cerise!

[Zoidberg eats cherry then charges towards Fry]

Fry: Hey! Watch out! [He gets eaten by Zoidberg]

Zoidberg: Uh oh.

Leela: Oh, my God. He ate Fry. Fry is dead!

[Fry walks behind them]

Fry: Its OK. I had some other guy.

Pac-Man: Its working! Victory is assured! My retirement tomorrow volition be all the sweeter.

[Pac-Human gets shot past a space invader, cause a chunk out of Pac-Man to fall off]

Pac-Man: [screams] I'thousand hitting! [sobs] So cold!

[Pac-Man dies past folding up & disappearing as Ms. Pac-Man comes in]

Ms. Pac-Human: NOOOO!

Fry: Amy. Tend to the widow Pac-Human.

Ms. Pac-Man: [crying] Wakka wakka wakka!

Lrrr: You are defeated. Instead of shooting where I was, you lot should accept shot where I was going to be.

Leela: Haven't I seen yous in some copyrighted movie?

Leela: Why did you bring us here?

Dr. Zoidberg: And why did I have to take a cab?

Farnsworth: What do you nice kids want?

Zoidberg: Nothing. I'one thousand leaving. Merely if you had actress backbone I'd haul it abroad for you, maybe.

Farnsworth: Oh blithery poop, my cowardly lobster. You don't need courage. Afterward all, who needs courage when you have a gun?

Fry: Leela, are yous alright? You got wanged on the head.

Leela: I was having the most wonderful dream. Except you were at that place, and you were at that place, and you were there!

Roswell That Ends Well [edit]

Prof. Farnsworth: Your gramps?! Stay away from him, you dim-witted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the by! Don't practise annihilation that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to exercise it, in which case for the honey of God, don't not do information technology!

Prof. Farnsworth: For example, if you killed your grandfather, you'd stop to exist!

Fry: But existing is basically all I practice!

Prof. Farnsworth: Start the send, Leela! Permit'south but steal the dish and get back to our own time.

Fry: But won't that change history?

Prof. Farnsworth: Oooh, a lesson in not changing history from "Mr. I'g-My-Own-Grandad"!

President Truman: Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for report.

General: Just Sir, that'due south where nosotros are edifice the fake moon landing site.

President Truman: Then we'll take to really country on the moon! Invent NASA and tell them to become off their fannies!

Leela: Oh, I'chiliad sorry. At present I'll axe you again. Where is the mi-cro-wave?

Salesman: Sir, your wife is hysterical, so I'll address this to you lot. This oven is lightning-fast. It only takes five hours to melt a pot roast.

Prof. Farnsworth: Ooh, that'south good news! Y'all know, you don't melt enough roasts, Leela.

[Leela turns on stove, setting the Professor'due south tie on burn down]

Prof. Farnsworth: [to salesman] Women!

General: What's your purpose?

Zoidberg: Alright, officeholder, I'll motion it along.

Armed services Official: What the general ways is, why did you come to Earth?

Zoidberg: Non a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

Leela: Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're stuck in this fourth dimension menstruation.

Prof. Farnsworth: Oh, Lord! We'll take to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, so the terrible tragedy of his death.

Bender: Fry, end interfering with history! I don't wanna have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back.

Fry: I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.

Fry: She certain is pretty. You ought to marry her and male parent some children right away.

Enos: Yeah, folks say that. But did yous ever go the feeling you're just going with girls 'cause you're supposed to?

Fry: What?! Don't ever, ever say or recall that over again!

Bender: [after Fry accidentally kills his grandpa] And you...are...outta here!

Prof. Farnsworth: What the hell have yous done, Fry?

Fry: Relax! She tin can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out.

Prof. Farnsworth: Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look!

Mildred: [wearing glasses and knitting] Come dorsum to bed, deary.

Fry: [screams] It'south impossible! I mean, if she'south my grandmother, who'southward my grandfather?

Prof. Farnsworth: Isn't it obvious?

[Fry shakes his head.]

Prof. Farnsworth: Yous are!

Godfellas [edit]

Bender: You know, I was God in one case.

God Entity: Yes, I saw. You lot were doing well, until everyone died.

God Entity: Bender, being God isn't like shooting fish in a barrel. If you do too much, people get dependent on you, and if you do nothing, they lose promise. You accept to use a light affect. Similar a safecracker, or a pickpocket.

Bender: Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money!

God Entity: Yes, if you go far look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Leela: Wait, I miss Bender almost half as much as yous do, but you can't bring him back this way! It'southward hopeless!

Fry: You lot can't requite up promise just considering it is hopeless! Y'all gotta hope fifty-fifty more, and cover your ears, and go: "Apathetic blah blah blah blah blah blah apathetic!"

Leela: Well, y'all plainly won't heed to reason... And then I guess I'll mind to idioticness and come up with you.

Bender: O' fell fate, to be thusly boned! Enquire non for whom the bone bones - it basic for thee.

Bender: That milky way is signaling in binary. I should signal back, but I only know enough binary to ask where the bath is. You lot speak English?

God Entity: I do now.

[Prof. Farnsworth is searching for Bender with his Smelloscope]

Leela: Anything yet, professor?

Prof. Farnsworth: I'm afraid the Smelloscope tin can't locate Bender. His fragrance is too mild. It's beingness overwhelmed by local sources.

[Anybody looks at Zoidberg]

Dr. Zoidberg: Hooray! People are paying attending to me.

Bender: So do yous know I'thousand going to practise something earlier I do it?

God Entity: Yep.

Bender: What if I do something else?

God Entity: Then I don't know that.

Malachi: My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded.

Bender: Of form they go unheeded! How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass?

Fry: Hmm...finding God. That'southward of import, yeah. But you know what might exist a care for for everyone? If you let me utilize the telescope to find my lost friend Bough.

Monk #i: I don't know what to say, other than... absolutely not! Sure, your loss is a tragedy, but our work...

Fry: Come on, y'all guys accept forever to look for God. All I'g asking is 1 measly lifetime to find my friend.

Monk #2: He speaks out of honey for his friend. Perhaps that love in his centre is God.

Monk #one: Oh, how convenient! A way of looking for God that doesn't require looking through a telescope. Get back to work!

Leela: Oh, no, the monks! Nosotros forgot to allow them out of the laundry room.

Fry: Do we have to? They're monks, afterwards all. I'm sure their God will let them out, or at least give them more shoes to eat.

Bough: Fatty chance! You tin can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me then Himself. Now, come on. If we don't free those monks, no 1 will.

Fry: So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is at that place anything organized religion can do?

Father Changstein el Gamahl: Well, we could bring together together in prayer.

Fry: Uh-huh, only is there anything useful we can do?

Begetter Changstein el Gamahl: No.

Future Stock [edit]

Defrosted Neanderthal: As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I faced different challenges. [crying] The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum.

That Guy: There are 2 kinds of people: sheep and sharks. Anyone who is a sheep is fired. Who'southward a sheep?

Dr. Zoidberg: Errr, excuse me... which is the i people like to hug?

That Guy: Gutsy question. Y'all're a shark.

Professor Farnsworth: I'll ruin you like I ruined this company!

Leela: Zoidberg endemic 51% of the company?

Hermes: The shares were worthless, and he kept request for toilet paper!

Professor Farnsworth: This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more of a source of cheap labour, like a family.

Hermes: We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral!

That Guy: Switzerland is pocket-size and neutral! We're more like Federal republic of germany, ambitious and misunderstood!

Amy: Look, everyone wants to exist like Deutschland, only do we really accept the pure force of will?

Leela: Nosotros oasis't made a single delivery since y'all took over!

That Guy: Delivery has goose egg to do with the delivery concern!

Scruffy: Now hold on there. Scruffy votes his forty thousand shares for the mysterious stranger.

Leela: Forty thousand? How come up you have 4 times as much stock as the rest of us?

Scruffy: Scruffy believes in this company. [Sniffles]

Leela: Oh my god! I'm a millionare! Suddenly I have an opinion on the capital gains tax!

That Guy: Hairgel?

Fry: No cheers. I make my ain.

Mom: [watching Fry moon her] You lot call that a pressed ham? Walt, hitting the retaliate push button!

[Walt searches for the button]

Mom: Press any push button! They all retaliate!

That Guy: Everyone's fired and we're out of business concern! [the Planet Express crew protestation] I'm going to sell Planet Express to Mom, and so she can gut the company and eliminate the states as competitors!

Mom: Don't permit the door hit yous on the way out, 'crusade I don't want ass prints on my new door!

Dr. Zoidberg: Over again, the conservative, sandwich-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor.

[eats the sometime rotten sandwich in his paw]

Dr. Zoidberg: Oh, I'1000 ruined!

The 30% Iron Chef [edit]

[Dr. Zoidberg has broken the professor's ship-in-a-bottle.]

Dr. Zoidberg: Oh no! The professor will striking me! But if Zoidberg fixes information technology... then perchance gifts!

Bender: I decline the championship of Iron Cook and accept the lesser title of Zinc Saucier, which I merely made up. Uhh... also, comes with double prize money.

Koji: Ironu... Cookuru!

Morbo: So, Elzar, what will yous exist cooking for Morbo to devour with his mighty jaws?

Elzar: Morbo, I'm gonna whip you up a squeamish, unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney.

Morbo: Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe!

Helmut Spargle: [later tasting Bough's offset meal] It is... acceptable.

Bender: Yahoo! Another thing I'm bully at. Wait, why'd you lot stopped eating, master?

Helmut Spargle: Because, my breadbasket is about to explode.

Bender: If it'south craven, chicken a la king. If information technology'due south fish, fish a la rex. If information technology's turkey, fish a la king.

Fry: Human being, I don't wanna hurt Bough's feelings but this food really tastes better as vomit!

Leela: Information technology's unbearable! How much practice you think it would toll to have my tongue removed?

Morbo: Welcome dorsum. Our adjacent guest has been pedagogy the world to cook for over xx years. But plain my, uh, wife hasn't been listening. I volition destroy her!!!

Helmut Spargle: Yous don't understand. Without the distraction of taste, your mind is costless to touch the Zen of pure season. You could become the greatest chef ever.

Bough: I could?

Helmut Spargle: Aye. Just as Beethoven was a great composer considering he was deaf.

Bender: Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden easily.

Fry: Caryatid yourselves. Bender is making us brunch.

[Everyone gasps.]

Dr. Zoidberg: Oh, boy!

Professor Farnsworth: Oh, God! My tract! [clutches his stomach]

Bough: Fleeing somewhere?

[Fry clears his throat.]

Fry: With yous blocking the only escape route? Don't exist empty-headed.

Bough: In that case brunch is served! Allow's get! Movement it out! Stop crying, Leela!

External links [edit]

wardcalle1980.blogspot.com

Source: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Futurama/Season_3